For Clients

Please take some time to read this information, as it can help you to understand things to consider to help your child/ren!

Plan for Your Visit

It’s important that the time a parent spends with their child during supervised visitation is not only fun for them but that you’re both engaged and active. If the visit is not going smooth, ask the visit supervisor for guidance or advice. Be open to suggestions to help you. Think and learn about the developmental level of your children. Think of activities we have at Family House or ask if you can do a game or activity that you already know they make like. Make your visit as positive as you can!

“Bring things that are interactive. We don't allow phones and/or electronics because that is not interacting or building a bond. You don’t want the supervisor reporting that instead of interacting with your child, you both just stared at a screen or sat there. Sometimes children get bored and want to change activities. That can be normal. Determine clean up and what to do next. We want to help you have a nurturing visit and positive time in your visit with your child/ren.

Don’t Prep Your Child

Parents might feel an urge to talk to their child about what to expect from a supervised visit. Try to be as neutral as possible for the best outcome. It may be the best thing to just say ‘You’re going to get to see mommy/daddy!’ Children don’t make nearly such a big deal of this as one might think. They will just focus on getting to spend time with their parent if that’s what you focus on.” Don't let your emotions and challenges with non-custodial upset the child if you can help it.

Watch Your Words/Language

Parents should avoid profanity at all costs. But they should also never, ever say a bad word about the other parent. Even more helpful, say nice things if you can. For example, if the child complains about mommy, rather than buying into it, say something at least vaguely complimentary about mommy, such as "You know that mommy loves you very much and I’m sure she is trying the best that she can," This is not only beneficial to the child, but it will also help the parent’s standing with the supervisor, who will report back to the court that they’re being cooperative and encouraging.

Find a Place to Vent

Despite the face a parent might put on, it’s understandable that they’re still going to have feelings of resentment, or fear, at the unfairness (whether real or perceived) of the confining structure of parental visitation. And it’s important for them to have an outlet to let some of those feelings out. It’s important for parents to remember that their child should not be the outlet. Those feelings should not be discussed in front of the child.

Stay Positive

Keeping a positive mindset is important! Remember Family House is NOT the enemy. In fact, if parents play their cards right, they might even be able to turn the situation to their advantage. Keeping a cooperative attitude and showing a supervisor that he or she is willing to do whatever it takes can go a long way towards getting back their unsupervised visits. Without a place like Family House, a non-custodial may not have a place to visit their child so easity.

Children adjust much better to crisis and loss if their parents work together to develop healthy ways of communicating, reducing conflict, and resolving problems.

Children generally fare best when they have the emotional and financial support and ongoing involvement of both parents. Establishing a visitation schedule is one way to ensure and foster that contact. The child's needs are the key factors for parents to consider when establishing a visitation schedule.

These needs change as the child grows older and moves from one developmental stage to the next. The developmental needs of an infant, for example, are different from those of a toddler or a teenager.

It is important to always keep in mind that each child is unique, that all children do not progress at the same rate, and that "normal" development has a tremendous range at each age. For example, some six-year-old children progress quickly and do what might be typical of an eight-year-old child, while other six-year-old children progress more slowly and do what might be typical of a five-year-old child.

We try to promote visitation suggestions within the court ordered guidelines that promote healthy development at each stage. Rather than rigidly applying these visitation suggestions, parents are strongly encouraged to apply them in a way that best meets the specific developmental needs of each child. This may mean that parents establish different visitation schedules for each of their children.

Other factors parents need to consider when establishing a visitation schedule include:

Any special needs of the child and parents.
The routines and schedules of the child and parents.
Any mental health issues relating to the child or parents.
Each parent's past caregiving history.
The child's relationship with each parent.
The child's relationship with grandparents and extended family members.
The child's relationship with and any step-family members.
The distance between parental homes.
Whether the child's brothers and sisters will participate in the child's visitation.
The child's temperament and ability to make a calm transition between homes.
The length of time that has passed since the separation or divorce.

The ability of the parents to cooperate.
The child's and parents' cultural and religious differences.
Transportation and other costs related to visitation.
Any other factor(s) that will enable the child and noncustodial parent to maintain a child to parent relationship that is in the best interests of the child.
Developing a visitation schedule by working with the child;
Establishing a predictable schedule that is flexible enough to allow for the child's activities;
Consistently applying family rules and expectations; and
Avoiding the assumption that a child's mood swings or behavioral acting out is caused by the other parent.

Parents can help their children adjust to separation from a parent by establishing a visitation schedule that focuses on the needs of their children. Children's needs change as they grow older and move from one developmental phase to the next. For this reason, each visitation schedule must be flexible, changing in duration and frequency as the child gets older and moves from one stage of development to the next. It is important for parents to remember that formation of a positive parent-child relationship is a life-long process, and that the key to a successful relationship is the quality of time, rather than quantity of time, spent together.

During a supervised visit, parents spend time with their child while also laying the groundwork for unsupervised visits in the future. That means being on their best behavior. Parents should always be aware that the visit supervisor will be writing notes and making a report of the visit., for the courts. Parents should arrive for the visit on time, clean and well dressed. They should also be mindful of what they say.

Note:

Some of this information has been prepared by the Minnesota Supreme Court Advisory Task Force on Visitation and Child Support Enforcement

Approved by the Minnesota Conference of Chief Judges - January 1999

If you have questions regarding "A Parental Guide to Making Child Focused Visitation Decisions", please contact:
Judy Nord, Staff Attorney Minnesota Supreme Court,
25 Constitution Ave., Suite 120
St. Paul, MN 55155
Phone: 651-282-3972 Fax: 651-296-6609